I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
