maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize