I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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