Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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