Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
