just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
