Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
