Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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