so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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