There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
