How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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