Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
