I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
