dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
