Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
