We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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