oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
