how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
