i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
