Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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