I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
