I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
