Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize