and she was petting her beer can
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
