Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
