Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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