You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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