every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
