Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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