Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
