:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
