Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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