Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
