Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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