Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
