Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
