oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
