Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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