I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
