He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize