Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
