Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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