oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
