if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
God, I missed his penis.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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