he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
