why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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