I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Is Oprah even human
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
