in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So vagazzling was a success
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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