Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
