Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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