you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
