I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Randomize
