A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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