Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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