My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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