This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
