I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Never joke about your clitoris.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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