I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
