How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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