whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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