No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
