Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
