she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
