your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
