she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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